I also thought of entitling this post, “Ooops, I did it again!” Seems to be a theme for me. I know I need to write, so I go to write only to fall into the same traps that keep me from publishing it. As I have written in the past, I am to write. For many reasons: It helps me organize my thoughts and process the things around me, it is a release for me, it keeps my grammar skills sharp, and lastly and most importantly to me, I hope it encourages others. The problems I run into are: 1) I get so caught up in trying to sound intelligent and being creative and interesting that I sometimes don’t publish the post because it’s just not right or 2) I feel like I am being selfish and lazy for doing something I love instead of…cleaning house, taking care of ?whatever?, so I don’t make time for it. Actually that is only half true. I do set aside time on my calendar, I just don’t actually take the time.
For I do not do the good I want to do,
but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
A great example happened on Tuesday……………….(See! Not good sentence structure there. Technically you are to only use 3 dots, but I like to be a little more dramatic and want you all to feel the pause.) Anyway on Tuesday, well actually I need to go back to Sunday when the Lord loving let me know it was okay to do the housework later and to DO what He has called me to do now. I needed to write and He wanted me to write. He showed me how I was allowing other things – that are important no doubt – to get in the way of doing what I am called to do. So, I set aside Tuesday as a day to write. And knowing who I am and how easily distracted and rationalizing I can be I looked for a local coffee shop to take my laptop because if I stayed at home I would see all that needed to be done and would’ve been torn.
On Tuesday, I arrived at the shop and ordered an iced coffee, sat down, plugged in my machine, and started typing. It was a post I have been thinking about for a while now on friendship. It was my desire to convey that life is hard and being a “in person” friend is important. That having friends is good, having friends physically present in your life – if not daily, at least weekly – is best. Why? because doing life with someone who is there, physically there, for you and you for them, makes life more…exciting, easier to handle, less mundane or monotonous, it also gives accountability. I was going to warn them not to forgo getting together often with a group of friends and not make the excuses I did of not having time, or not letting them come over because my house was a mess – I did have 4 (FOUR) boys and only 2 hands. I wanted to let people know that if they neglect friendships, those friendships will become acquaintances and eventually you get to a point in your life where you will want and have time for the physically there friends and you won’t find any. You may have a million friends on social media, but none in person. And finding new friends is…………..hard.
That is what I wanted to type…(sigh)…but instead I got caught up with how intelligent it sounded, and the reasonings behind my warnings and how interesting it was that the article started being…so not what I wanted it to be. And typical me, when an opportunity to be distracted came along, I took it and gave up on the post. And I rationalized it away with – it just wasn’t flowing, I will get back to it when the time is right. Yeah, ha, I have 5 unfinished posts right now. FIVE.
So here I am writing this as a confession and a declaration that I will write. I will post blogs. I am not sure anyone will read them, but I will write anyway. I write to encourage others, but a lot of the time it is myself I encourage. You see, I like to go back and read earlier posts from time to time to remind myself of all that God has shown me. I think I am just going to make it a Journal as such. I will keep it open for others to read because I hope you may get some enlightening and encouragement from it as well.
In this, I will try not to try so hard, and just let it flow…
Even now I am finding it hard to hit publish because it doesn’t seem right…unfinished, unrefined, without purpose…yet I know this was more about doing what I know I need to do and not falling into old traps… Am I alone here?